The Fast and the Furious

While watching The Fast and the Furious and drinking tea together may sound a little odd, it is actually a pretty decent combination.  Obviously this movie really calls for pizza and beer, but it’s been a long week and I need tea and Brian O’Connor to soothe my soul.  Let me preface by saying this franchise is my second favorite movie franchise in the entire history of film.  I will space out the reviews (so not consistently for the next six weeks), it would be too simple to do them back to back to back.

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First of all, HOW DANGEROUS IS IT TO ATTACK A SEMI-TRUCK ON THE HIGHWAY?  Is that very real risk to your lives worth the money you get for the cargo???  Way to start the movie off with a bang.  There is no mistaking that this movie is centered around cars.  Enter Brian Spilner (aka Brian O’Connor).  HELLO GORGEOUS.  But you really need to handle that vehicle a little better.  Keep practicing, baby.  CONFLICT.  Mia Toretto.  Vince.  Brian.  Drama.  First of all, Vince, Mia is not your property so get that through your thick skull.  But their fight gives us the first glimpse into what Dominic Toretto is prepared to do for his family.  Good thing he can be calmed down easily, because otherwise this movie would not have gone any further.

F&F 1.2

POP THE HOOD.  The first race.  I’m really feeling Brian’s car and every time I see Ja Rule’s character I can’t help but laugh.  I’m pretty sure the purpose of this scene is to show how Dom owns street racing and how Letty owns Dom.  A little advice for Brian, don’t ask for respect.  Demand it, prove it.  And then don’t get cocky about “almost” winning.  Just don’t.  The look on his face after he realizes he lost says “Dammit, did I just screw everything up?”.  But he saves it all by rescuing Dom from the cops.

F&F 1.5

“Two years in Lompoc, I’ll die before I go back.”  MAJOR FORESHADOWING.  Then when Dom brings Brian back to his house for a beer, we are all Mia – scrambling to get ready because a beautiful guy is about to walk into your home.  At least, I would.  Then she breaks up a potential tiff between Brian and Vince.  WAY TO TAKE CONTROL OF THE SITUATION.  She really knows how to handle a man.

PLOT TWIST.  Undercover.  Also, iced cappuccinos?  Especially in those glass mugs?  Could you be any more pretentious?

So they have three family businesses?  The sandwich place, racing, AND a garage?  I absolutely LOVE the character of Jesse.  A genius with ADHD makes for good drama.  Then we can see something that really ages this movie – FLOPPY DISKS.  Who here remembers those?  Love it.  Then Vince has to ruin my nostalgia moment by being a little bitch about Brian eating family dinner with them.  No sweat off Dom’s back though, he knows Vince will be back.  Besides, he’s too busy watching out for who needs to say grace.  Priorities.  Also, Jesse’s prayer is perfect.  Way to come back and pretend you still have your dignity, Vince.

I’m pretty sure Mia is the lynchpin of this franchise.  Yes, Dom and Brian have the most dynamic relationship, but Mia is the glue and the one person all of the main characters would go to the ends of the earth for.  How would they say no to her?  Her and Letty are all about female empowerment.  They should really be characters that get more attention, if only for the younger generation of girls.  I’m not saying they’re perfect, but they don’t ever play the victim – they take control and don’t let stereotypes bring them down.

F&F 1.1 F&F 1.4

How cliche is it to have a bar called El Gato Negro in this movie?  Also, BRIAN’S COVER IS ALMOST BLOWN.  Thanks a lot, Vince.  I blame pretty much everything on Vince, because he is one giant baby.  Despite him being a perceptive baby.  My least favorite scene directly follows, the one where Johnny Tran and his posse torture that guy.  Even after watching this movie countless times, I still have to look away.

Then we have some character development and relationship building – yada yada yada.  Just kidding.  I love these parts of the movies.  THAT CAR DOM BUILT WITH HIS FATHER.  So much symbolism, I can barely process it.  The car that never dies, it’s basically Kenny from South Park.  Also, HOW DARE THE COPS THINK DOM IS AN OUT OF CONTROL CRIMINAL.  He obviously shows remorse, and Brian’s not wrong when he says that Dom is controlled.  Losing a father would be enough to cause anyone to lose control once.

RACE WARS.  Time for shit to hit the fan.  Now we see that Brian really cares about everyone, trying to talk sense into Jesse before he bets his pink slip.  DON’T DO IT JESSE.  Nuts.  Also, don’t ever call Dom a narc.  Not safe for your health.  Neither is walking up to Letty all intimidating – girl will knock you out.  Then we have the cliche “I was undercover, but my feelings were real”.  That brings Paul Walker’s count of movie with that component to two.  Speaking of, maybe I’ll review She’s All That soon.

SURPRISE, there are four family businesses.  Bad things are about to happen.  Oh, and they are just outside Coachella?  Why do I not see any girls with high-waisted shorts and flower crowns?  A bit early for that, I suppose.  Well, I may not be Vince’s number one fan, but it pains me to see him in danger like this.  Okay, maybe Jesse was the lynchpin of this particular movie in the franchise, because without him, everyone seems to be screwed.  I mean, Leon just disappears never to be mentioned again.  Whoops, spoiler alert.  But not really because his character is pretty inconsequential.  Oh my gosh, THERE IS SUCH FORESHADOWING WHEN LETTY CRASHES AND CRAWLS OUT OF HER CAR.  I will say no more about that, though.  For now.

F&F 1

Dun-dun-dun.  Dom finds out that Brian is actually Brian O’Connor.  He just saved Vince’s life, but at a price of the rest of Dom’s family.  THEN BRIAN DECIDES TO GO NATIVE AND STEP TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE LAW.  What a depressing way to end a film, but a great way to set up a sequel.  Man I love this franchise.  Don’t worry, I will continue with all of the others that have been released so far, but you might have to *pause for dramatic affect* wait.

 

~Tales

 

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